Pushing The Reset Button

So, yesterday (Friday) we had a morning in our home where my dear son Jett who's in grade one and I were butting heads as he was supposed to be getting ready for school. Does anyone else ever have those mornings???

Anyway, Jett's attitude towards me lacked love/respect and was not good. I called him on it by explaining why his attitude was so wrong and needing to be changed. He didn't seem sold on my attitude-change sales pitch, so I laid on a little emotion; trying to drive home the point that words and attitude have impact on those around you.

-- I really struggle with knowing how to effectively demonstrate to my kids how their words/actions impact others. Sometimes, I find myself falling into an acting role, exaggerating my own hurt feelings or disappointment so that my kids are sure to pick up on the fallout. There's a fine line between exaggerating emotions as a teaching tool and laying a guilt trip as a means to manipulate... I believe the difference lies within the motive. My goal is to teach & train my children to think about the impact their words/actions may have before speaking. I hope that's what they're learning..

I digress ;)

My efforts (warranted or not) were effective and Jett did come to the place where he felt sorry for how he was acting & he did apologize to me. It did feel though, that we had more to talk about and a good snuggle could have served as a healing salve to the moment, but just then the school bus arrived and our quick hug good bye did not nearly seem to be enough. I really felt like I needed more time to just hug my boy and affirm him that he is immeasurably loved.

The bus pulled away and my mama heart ached. My boy was starting the day with somewhat of a cloud over his head and I didn't like it. I think that some of my unsettled feelings came from knowing that I was leaving on a trip the next morning (a week away with my hubby).

When I was sure that the kids were all safely delivered to school, I messaged our bus driver. I explained that Jett had a rough start to the day and just asked how his bus ride had been. She responded and said that he had been unusually quiet (he's usually quite bubbly and talkative) and then he actually fell asleep. (It dawned on me that he had gotten to bed later than usual the night before and this likely contributed to the attitude issues of the day..) A boy down the route thought it would be funny to wake Jett up and chose to do so by slapping him across the face... (Not thinking through the impact of ones' actions seems to be an epidemic among young boys).

I think you can imagine how Jett's wake up call was received. He spiralled. He cried and cried.

That was enough. I couldn't handle thinking of Jett going through the day trying to pick up the pieces of how it had started. I abandoned my plan to spend the morning cleaning/packing and instead, I got Lena and Zav dressed and we hopped into our vehicle to go get Jett.

As I drove, I found myself blinking back tears. "Get it together, Wendy!" I thought to myself. But I was doomed. When I entered the front doors of the school and was greeted by our schools' sweet VP, I spilled. "I think I'm going to pull Jett out for the day.." I was able to say before bursting into tears. I was completely embarrassed at my own lack of composure as she pulled me into her office. She was very understanding, and actually, she had been about to give me a call. She had just spent time talking to Jett and his buddy who slapped him and she agreed, Jett was very much not his usual self.

Our VP kindly offered to go and get Jett from his classroom, for which I was relieved. I did not need to parade my blubbery mess down the hall for more children/teachers to see. Instead, I intently studied the the staff photos on the wall while I tried to regain control. Why am I such a sap???

Jett came and gave me a hug. He was very glad (and surprised) that I had come for him. He held my hand as we walked and talked out to the car. He told me about how his morning hadn't gone well on the bus, and I told him that we were going to restart the day. I hadn't felt good about our time at home and so this was us re-making the day.

It was a beautiful day. We got some food/smoothies (coffee for me, of course) from Tim Horton's and took it down by the Bessborough to picnic along the river. The kids thought it was great and the fresh air was good for all of us. The mood was lifted almost immediately as we enjoyed each other's company.

We visited, joked and laughed together and then decided to hit up the park by the farmer's market. It was a wonderful morning.

Jett asked me if he could return to school at lunch time because there was a hot lunch and we'd ordered him pizza/chips. Not to mention, Friday afternoons (gym & games) at school are his favourite. He said, "Mom, will it hurt your feelings if I go back to school?" I smiled and hugged him. "Of course not, J. You are welcome to go back to school." He thanked me several times throughout our morning for coming and taking him away for the morning and I assured him that it had been needed for both of us. We both felt 1,000,000% better. ;) (Any Survivor fans reading that appreciate impossible percentages??)

We made it back to school for his hot lunch, and I left him there with a hug and a smile. At the end of the day, his teacher messaged me that he had come back as his usual happy self and had a great afternoon.

I know that I won't be able to re-set all of the bad mornings that my children will experience in their lifetimes, but it felt great to re-make this one.

As I drove home, I had a moment of clarity where I thought about how blessed we are. If bad-attitude mornings are the problems we have to deal with, we are abundantly fortunate. We don't have to worry about having enough food to eat, a warm place to sleep, or a safe place to live. We have so much more than that. And more than having those physical needs met, my children are so very loved. Not only do they have the loving attention of their father and I, they have close relationships with both sets of their grandparents (Who do you think cares for them while Mitch & I get away? ;) as well as cousins, aunts, uncles and many great friends.

A rough morning wouldn't have ruined my son, but I'm thankful that today it was on my radar and within my ability to have a do-over.

From the mouths of babes...

From the mouths of babes…

There is nothing like having a child to keep you humble. Children will let you know exactly what they think of you at any given time. If you thought you had any sort of wisdom in the area of child rearing (we’re going to say pre-kids) those little stinkers (albeit cute stinkers) will have you second guess everything you ever thought you knew… several times a day.

I love my children. But some of the things that come out of their mouths…

I often say, I need to write more of these things down and then I don’t! So this is me writing a few things down.

I’ll start with my youngest, Zavier Shane. He is very nearly three years old, but he’s definitely catapulted into what we affectionately (or begrudgingly) call the “three-nager” stage. At any given moment he can flip the switch for his insta-attitude and he reserves the right to change his mind, opinion or stance on anything… just to make life difficult. His newest catch phrase that he mumbles if he’s particularly upset with you is, “I’m gonna punch your face!” Isn’t that lovely? What a sweetie! Thankfully, I’ve never seen him actually punch anyone’s face and yes, of course I’ve talked to him about talking like that.

Zavi in the midst of a yogurt therapy beautifying session.

Now, I know that it’s a popular opinion to teach your kids the proper names of their own body parts. I understand that it’s for safety, etc. I’m not here to dispute or affirm that, but let me tell you, there can be consequences with educating a toddler!

We were in town in the afternoon the other day, so I thought it would be nice if my two youngest and I went to pick Jett up from school. We arrived a few minutes early, so I helped Lena & Zav out of our vehicle and we walked to the school to wait by the boot room doors. When the bell rang and kids began pouring out of the school doors, someone informed me that Jett was waiting for us at his classroom. (Pardon me, your highness, my son… let me come and escort you…) SO, I brought my littles into the boot room and gave them strict instructions to stay put while I walked just around the corner to J’s classroom (literally no more than 20 steps). Call me lazy, but I didn’t want to take everyone’s boots off just to walk the 20 steps and then have to get everyone re-booted. Jett was there and ready to go, so I really don’t think I had left Lena and Zav alone for even 1 full minute, but of course my little threenager couldn’t be expected to wait that long. He was almost in 3^rd gear when I cut him off and scooped him and his boots up before he could track anything down the hall. It was a quick reaction, one fluid motion as I bent down, and lifted him by swinging my arm between his legs so that his legs were straddling my arm. It’s an awkward description, I realize, but I’ve picked him up that way many times; often when we’re playing or giving ‘airplane rides.’ Anyway, I guess he found it uncomfortable because he yelled (not with an inside voice) “OW, Don’t touch my penis!!” He then repeated the same thing at least 5 times, just in case someone in the area hadn’t heard him.

Seriously, son, thank you. 

A few of my favourite things about Zavi at this stage in his life:
-He loves his stuffies. His favourites are Puppy, Giraffy, Unicorn and Cowie-Wowie. A stuffed puppy, a stuffed lion (yes, a lion named giraffy), A black stallion (there's no unicorn horn, but it doesn't seem to matter) and of course, a cow. The cow he has on time-share with his sister. ;)
-Zavi loves to catch me when I'm crouched near the floor. He gets this irresistible twinkle in his eye and grins at me. He then says, "Give me a hug, lady!" (I love it.. The first time he said it, I melted-- was putty in his hands. He knows it. He uses it.) and proceeds to run at me full speed, trying to tackle me with a monster hug.
-And his sleep sweat. A weird thing to love, I know. Each night I put my princess on the potty (she's fully asleep.. it's rather hilarious, but necessary!) and after I return her to her bed, I lean over my baby who's sleeping on the bottom bunk, feel my way through the stuffies until I find his sweaty little face, and then I inhale a big sniff. I love it. He has his own sleepy sweaty smell and I can't get enough of it.

Kalena Jane, my sweet princess, loves to tell stories. Whether they're true and based on reality is not important. She will decide and let you know if it's true or not. Some of the tales she tells...
She also can get highly emotional in an instant. (I fear her adolescent years...) But the other day, she slipped. She admitted to me that she is capable of making herself cry. She can even produce actual tears, which makes this whole parenting thing even more of a challenge!

You gotta love the influence of a big sister...

Miss Lena also LOVES to sing and dance (although her ability to sing on key... it's not developed yet...). We took the kids to the movie Trolls a week or so ago (it was cute) and at the end  when the credits were rolling, Kalena jumped up out of her seat and ran to the front of the theatre to dance to Justin Timberlake. She considered it her stage and she poured herself into a moving performance of her own interpretive dance. Of course her little brother joined her. (cramped her style)

"She came in like a wrecking ball..."

Of my three nose-pickers, Kalena is the least shy. She will approach pretty much any adult she deems interesting (we have work to do in the whole Stranger Danger department). I caught her starting a conversation with a strange man in an airport... a few times. Her version of social boldness is paired with a form of bluntness that leads to situations that are highly embarrassing. She has no qualms about loudly informing anyone who will listen to her of the things she observes. You know, things like commenting on the appearance of people around her... things like weight, interesting hair styles or tattoos...  Honestly, I am trying to teach Kalena how to be socially sensitive, to not spout out every thought that runs through her brain... to think about how the things that she says might make someone else feel... It's a work in progress.

This pic is cute and un-assuming, but the back story is that Kalena is wearing no shoes... On October 31st, in Saskatchewan, her barefoot state went un-noticed and she trick or treated a whole block without shoes. #parentingfail

We've been trying to catch up on some appointments over the last while, and all three of my kiddos did great at their recent visit to the optometrist. I first got glasses when I was 7 (my eyesight is horrible) so I'm always praying that my children will get Mitch's perfect vision. Anyway, our optometrist is brilliant. He used Paw Patrol for the kids to watch while he checked out their eyes and they all behaved marvellously. He took them to the prize drawer afterwards as a reward and my princess boldly inquired, "Do you have any diamonds???"

Some of my favourite things about Kalena right now:
- She is SO affectionate. I get multiple "I love you's" and hugs/kisses throughout the day.
- Her hips. She's had this hip wiggle for a long time now, and it works its way into most of her dance moves. I can't call it a booty shake because this girl's got no booty!
-Her toothless grin. Having two front teeth pulled was rather traumatic for both Kalena and I, but she has such an adorable smile now.
-She has the hair I always wanted. Seriously. It took well over two years for Kalena to have any hair to speak of, but now that it's in, it's gorgeous. She can sleep on it wet, take it out of a ponytail, whatever, and all we have to do is run a brush through it and it's smooth, soft and full.
- She still pronounces several of her words with a toddler-type accent. I think it's on words that have combined vowel sounds. "Door" is one of words where we notice it the most. "The deuuu..." Kalena was talking to grandma on the phone the other day and was trying to tell her about the face-paint design she'd had drawn on her face. She was trying to say that she had a heart drawn on her forehead. I chuckled as she repeated at least a half dozen times, "No Grandma, a hawwwt!"

Kalena and her "hawwwt" design. ;)

And then there's my Jett.

Grade 1 :)

As my first born, he's been my guinea pig as I try to figure this whole parenting thing out. I know that I'm much more laid back with Zavi than I ever was with J, poor guy. I've written more about Jett than the others as I try to figure out the trick to this child-rearing process. Seriously, though, I am so proud of how my boy is learning, maturing, and growing. (Yes he IS one of the biggest 6-yr olds you'll ever see-- He thinks he's more like 10...)

I was flipping back and I came across this post I wrote about a year and a half ago. I think I was apprehensive as J was nearing the point of starting kindergarten. We're now nearly half way through grade 1, and I am thrilled with how Jett is thriving in school. He LOVES school. His favourite part about going to school would surely be that he gets to see/play with his friends, but he enjoys the school work, too!

Jett is still the energetic, mischievous boy in a large-for-his-age athletic body that I wrote about in that post a year and a half ago, but he's learning more self-control, for which I am grateful and ever-so proud. We're nearly to Christmas, and Jett's only had a couple of minor incidents at school. Here's the thing, though, when he gets off the bus at home, it's the first thing he'll tell me! I love his openness; how he comes clean with whatever may be weighing on his chest. I pray that we can keep/maintain an open and honest relationship as he grows through the years!

It was sometime in the first month of grade 1, I met Jett as he got off the bus at the end of the school day. "Hey mom, did Mrs. Tew (his teacher) send you a message?"he asked me right away. "Uhhh, no. Why?" I responded. "Well, I kinda cut my shirt today..." said sheepishly as he unzipped his jacket to reveal his batman shirt with a massive shark-bite in the front. We had a long talk about choices, the value of things and how we need to take care of our things. I think what happened was that he was exploring his school supplies while eating lunch (having school supplies accessible is new in grade 1). He took his scissors and made a small snip in the bottom of his shirt. He is a fidgeter, and as the day progressed, he pulled at the tear until it became so big that it revealed his entire tummy! His teacher had written a note in his day planner apologizing for not being on top of it, but I certainly do not blame her. ;)

Now, here is a conversation we had the other day when Jett got off the bus:

“Hey Jett, How was your day?”

“Good… Well, the first two recesses were good. The third one, I struggled.”

(I get a kick out of how he said he struggled. You can tell what kind of terminology we use!)
“Uh-oh. What happened?”

“On our way back into the school, I kicked someone.”

“Jett, why did you do that?”

“I was trying to be funny, we were goofing around.”

“Where did you kick him?”

[He points to the crotch area]

“Oh, buddy. That would hurt.”

“I didn’t know it would hurt him. I thought it would be funny. I said, sorry.”

“That wasn’t a good choice to make, J.”

“I know. The teachers talked to me and took care of it.”

We left it at that. He knew he was wrong, and he admitted/owned his poor choice and felt remorse over it. Lesson-learned.

***Sidenote-- I have a vivid memory from when I was in elementary school. There was only 1 year when myself and my 3 siblings were all in the same school. I was in grade 7, my brothers grades 5 and 1, and my sister was in kindergarten (Massey Elementary in Regina). One of my friends taught my little sister to go up to boys and kick them square in the crotch, which she did several times. She's a quick learner. ;) I may not have been directly responsible, but I didn't stop it! The crazy thing is, I don't remember any consequences resulting from this!!

"Mom, check out my muscles!"
(Note: Zavi's not wearing shoes.... ever.)

Some of my favourite things about Jett right now:

- His growing love for reading. His reading ability has been improving rapidly and the books that he brings home to read now have a decent plot line, which he enjoys.
- His understanding of spiritual things. He blows my mind with the questions he asks about God and heaven. (Our best conversations happen in the car or at bedtime)
- He is SUCH a keener. I will para-phrase what J's teacher wrote on his report card this year. She very nicely worded that he could chill out. ;) He is highly competitive and needs to be the first done his work, the first to line up at the door, etc. I don't want to completely snuff his keen-ness, but maybe just tame it down a bit.

I love being a mom and being able to watch my three little firecrackers grow up. I had a moment not long ago where the thought occurred to me that I don't have much longer where I'll be referred to as "Mommy." How sad! We joke about the millions of times our kids call for mommy... every day, and yet time passes far too quickly.

I often pray that God will give me wisdom and patience to parent my children in the manner that they need. I am thankful.

Twas the Day Before Christmas...

'Twas the day before Christmas at home on the farm.

The children all rose, without an alarm.

"Let's get up!" They chorused while jumping on me.

"We're all done our sleeping. We had to go pee!"

We crept out to the kitchen; I got coffee to brew.

I found the new magazines; new stickers to do.

The kids were happy/content for 10 glorious minutes.

A few sips of coffee, then the silence was kaputz.

My wee one awoke and yelled from his bed,

"Mommy, where are you!" is what my boy said.

I lifted him up from his crib with a hug.

We got to the kitchen, where a yogurt he did chug.

"Mommy we're hungry!" my three crazies agreed.

So I jumped to the stovetop to get what they need.

Dad came in from the barn with fresh milk to consume.

The kids shuffled their seats to make him some room.

As breakfast was ready, and I filled each plate.

My youngest stood by at my feet in a state.

"Just wait, my sweetie." I patted the head I adore.

Then that little sweetie puked all over the floor.

"Help!" I called daddy, who came quick with a rag.

We worked as a team as my wee one did sag.

He upchucked again, so dad grabbed him and ran,

To the bathroom where he could stand over the can.

When the excitement wore down, we got back to eating.

The mood had been dampened, appetites depleting.

We cautiously fed our sick little boy,

Gave him some water, he played with a toy.

We brought down the calendars we use through December.

We read about Jesus and we try to remember.

There's chocolate incentive, the kids love to find.

Today was the last one! No more days left to mind.

My boy brought up his water, left us again in a quandary.

We jumped to the rescue and added more to the laundry.

Time for a craft, my boys did decide.

Beads and pipe cleaners were the tools I'd provide.

Dad and his girl went outside for a skate.

Mommy cleared away every spoon, fork and plate.

When the girly came in, the boy went outside.

It was "take turns skating with daddy"-- better than any ride.

The pukester and I, we stayed inside our walls.

Fixed his train set four times, as I answered his calls.

Remember those beads I mentioned before??

Sir Pukesalot dumped them all over the floor.

While cleaning up hundreds of beads in the room,

The job seemed too daunting, I went for the broom.

My girly looked funny, she was doing a dance.

Most of those beads had been put down her pants.

We got through the morning, played out our wiggles

Had a puke-less lunch as we all shared some giggles.

Dad and the wee one are now down for a sleep.

The house is calm, these few minutes I will keep.

I am one thankful mama for this life that I lead.

God has graciously given me more than I need.

I'm so thankful for this quiet moment to write,

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

A Dog Day in Our Life... 2015

I miss writing. The summer got away on me and here it is, NOVEMBER already! Wow!

Today, I have a moment to write as I sit outside the dentist office as my son gets a cavity filled (His last one, thankfully!). I'm not allowed to sit inside with him because my big tough 5 yr old boy cries for his mama much more when she's within reach. It's better for both of us that I sit outside...

So, I brought my laptop and I found this post that I started in MAY. Oops.
I thought about deleting it and starting over, but I think I'll use it and build onto it instead.

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May, 2015

SO, lately I have felt outnumbered and a little run off my feet. I suppose that's just the way it is when you have three busy preschool/toddler aged children. The month of May on a farm is all about getting the seed into the soil, which means that I'm a farm widow for a few weeks. We do get to spend a little time with Mitch here and there, on the tractor or a quick meal, but most of the parental responsibilities fall on my plate and I have a genuine appreciation for single parents who do everything all the time! I should also say that I have lots of family around that makes life much easier and more enjoyable, too. :)

Often I find myself thinking/dreaming about how much easier life will be when my children are a little more independent (and rational thinkers...). BUT there really are so many fun and memorable moments about this stage that we're IN and I feel as though, if I don't document it somehow, I'll forget it entirely.

Now without further ado...
a day in the life of the crazy Schultzies ;)

Jett- age 5 yrs
Kalena- age 3 yrs
Zavier- 1 1/2 yrs

It's difficult to say exactly when the day starts... is it when I'm up with the wee one (let's face it, he's actually a tank) at 3am? He's obviously starving and I always feel obliged to answer his hunger cries with a warm bottle of milk. He's my last baby and I am a huge sucker for letting him get away with this travesty this long... but he's my baby... I just need more coffee.

6:30am
This is when I am likely to be awakened and not permitted to re-enter dreamland. My hyper-sensitive super-human ears hear the sound of feet hitting the floor two rooms away from mine. My suspicion is confirmed as I hear the squeak of the door hinges and I brace myself for the flurry of messy hair and flannel jammies to hop into bed next to me... or on top of me ;) Since my dear hubby vacates his side of the bed at an unholy hour to coax some milk out of our cows, my squirmy little princess stakes her claim and snuggles up close enough that I find myself inhaling her baby-fine hair and trying to duck away from the nagging itch I feel under my chin from that blonde nest.

The other morning, she had climbed into bed with me and fallen back to sleep. So, when the boys got up, I quietly abandoned her to get a little more shut eye in mommy & daddy's bed. About an hour later, I heard the door open and there was a shuffling noise as Kalena made her way into the kitchen... with her pajama pants around her knees (hence: shuffle). "Good morning, Kalena," I said. "Do you need to go to the potty?" "No, mama." She said as she sheepishly looked up at me through her too-long bangs that I've been meaning to trim. "I kinda.. sorta.. peed in your bed. BUT I cleaned it up with water, to get rid of the pee!" She added the second part quickly and looked up at me, obviously proud of her supposed problem solving skills. "Oh, Lena..." I said with a sigh as I started moving towards my bedroom to assess the damage. "Mommy," Kalena went on as she followed me. "Could we not tell daddy that I peed in your bed?" I stopped and looked down at her as she took my hand, batted her baby blues and said, "It could be a mommy-Lena secret."  Oy.

Now, let me tell you, I am not a fan of the extra laundry that sometimes invades my schedule when one (or more) of my kiddos has an "accident" in the night. BUT I am even less of a fan when it is MY bed that they have an accident in!!! Even when flashed the baby blues...

...AND that's it. I never got past 7 in the morning. ;)

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November 2015

SIX months later, life is much the same, yet different.

I have many nights that are interrupted by my now nearly 23 month old boy. He no longer gets milk at night, but still calls out (too often) for some attention in the wee hours. The other night, Zavi called out "Moooooooooooooom" every five to ten minutes from 1am until just after 3am. He would allow just enough time to let you drift off before hollering again. Why? I'm really not sure. I did go to him a few times and his soothers were all in reach (yes, he still loves his soother), his feet warm, diaper not overly saturated etc. I gave him a drink of water and short snuggle, which usually does the trick, but not this night. Every. Five. To. Ten. Minutes. It would have been nice if he could have switched it up a few times and called for, "Daaaaaaaaaaaad," but no, I was the lucky one. He wouldn't call out for very long, just loud and long enough to ensure that I was awake with him. Thanks, Zav.

When he awoke for the day at just before 7, Zavi was happy as a clam, of course. He can be so silly and sweet that you almost forget the grief he gives you at night. Often I go and pick him up out of his crib and he smiles at me, flashes his baby blues and says, "Daddy!" Yep. In the hours when we're not trying to sleep, mommy is often chopped liver and daddy is the All-Star in this toddler's eyes.

Our house is full of chatter from the moment Zavi wakes up now, too. In May, Zavi didn't talk, he just grunted. ;) At right around a year and a half, I had this moment where I realized that Kalena (and I think Jett, too?) had many more words than I could've even counted when we were asked about it at their 18 month vaccination appointment. At 18 months for Zavi, though, he had less than 5, I'm sure. While pondering the difference, I realized that we weren't ever really talking to Zavi! (Poor 3rd child) We always just talked around him. In the past few months, we've tried to be much more intentional about talking to our sweet boy, and his conversational skills have grown immensely. He is also very polite and is quick to use his "Pease." and "Tane-tu"s (Please and Thank-you's). If anyone near him sneezes, he loves to shout, "Bess-you!!!" And when I sneeze, Zav grins and says "Bess you, mama." I melt. Some other favourite phrases of his right now are: "Paw-Pawo" (Paw Patrol), "Pess pay!!" (Press play), "Tot-tar, Oooowuuuu!" (He yells for Rockstar and then makes a whistle-like noise). Not long ago, Zavi said what I believe is the clearest sentence he's come up with yet, "Detty, did it." (Jetty) and he's used it many times since; sometimes when his brother is to be blamed, but also when he's been innocent. (Clever little stinker) He is becoming a very good mimic, he loves to tease, AND he loves to pretend to be a puppy ;)

My princess Kalena is now 3 1/2 years old and makes everything overly dramatic. Her drama can be draining, but her imagination is spectacular. Lena plays make believe more than Jett ever has. Recently, we discovered that "Conan" (A mysterious individual she would talk about all the time) is actually her imaginary friend who seems to be lurking around our home very often. Sometimes Conan is accompanied by more friends: "Tonan, Nonan, and Keenee." (Low points for originality) Ohh, sweet girl. ;) Yesterday, Conan and Keenee were away at a wedding, so there was a new imaginary playmate in our home.

Frequent discussions pertaining to attitude choices are held with Miss Kalena Jane and let me tell you, she knows how to pull off a pathetically effective pout. Those big blue eyes glaze over with tears and her bottom lip sticks out so far she could trip over it, but I assure you, she knows how to turn it on (and off). A while ago, my sister and nieces were over to play but my three yr old niece. Lucy, was playing more with Jett than Lena. Kalena went up to my sister with those big blue tear-filled eyes and a quiver in her voice and gushed, "Nobody wants to play with me." Auntie was almost choked up too as she completely bought ALL of what my little Lena-bean was selling. ;) When she was exuberantly singing and dancing mere moments later, it was rather comical.

The other day, Kalena was helping me do some baking and she LOST IT because when I was done with the blender, I placed a beater in front of her on the counter rather than placing it in her hand. Completely lost it.. I'm talking a nearly half hour time out in her room where I go in to talk to her three times before she decides to finally "throw her bad attitude in the garbage." I believe she even pulled her gut punch, "I don't want to be your girl anymore." Drama drama drama

Not long ago, my dramatic little princess showed some real growth that made me incredibly proud. We couldn't find one of our three kittens that we were caring for in our garage. After we had looked and looked, I expected her to get upset but instead, Kalena says, "Mommy, we could pray about it" and without missing a beat, she began, "Dear God, please help us find the kitty..." I was floored that she instinctively went to prayer when we couldn't solve a problem on our own. I love that.

And my Jett. The last blog post I wrote (about a half a year ago) focussed on some of my frustrations and concerns about raising an active, large-for-his-age boy. Here we are a half-year later and he is doing fantastic. He began Kindergarten in September and is thriving at school. He loves learning, and I love watching him learn. Yes, he is the largest kid in his class; likely in all of kindergarten (there are two classes, so I don't know all of the kids), but he's decided to be a leader and loves helping his teacher, which makes me beyond proud.

On his first day of school, I walked him out to the bus (which comes right onto our yard to pick J up) and he jumped on without hesitation, found a seat and was waving to me as the bus pulled away. I LOST it. I wasn't expecting to get emotional, but watching him wave through the window as the bus drove my baby AWAY from me was more than my mama heart could handle. Tears flowed freely and were beyond my control. I promptly got in my vehicle and drove to the school to be there when the bus arrived and help J find his way to his class, etc. He handled the whole day like a pro, and I couldn't help but marvel at how grown up my baby is becoming.

When he got home after school, he announced that he'd had "the best day ever," (Just wait a few years, my boy. I hope you're singing the same tune). When I asked him what the best part of his day was, he excitedly informed me that he had THREE recesses. ;) He also told me how much fun he'd had playing with some friends from grade 1 as they played a game of boys chase girls... (some things never change).

By the third day of school, Jett told me that I didn't need to walk him out to the bus. He could handle it on his own. Already I'm being sidelined!! I'm getting over my hurt feelings ;) but I am thrilled at the growth, maturity and independence that I can see taking root in my son. 

I feel like there is so much more I could say about my three precious kiddos, but I think I had better wrap this up, or I might never publish this blog post. Where does all the time go????? AHhhhhhh...

My Big Blue-eyed Bulldozer

This has been brewing in me for a long time and I feel like I need to lay this out there as a way of therapy for myself and hopefully to build some understanding in the parenting community. Being a parent is hard... for ALL of us. There really is no other role one could take on that brings out the best and the worst in each one of us so clearly. Parenting brings unmeasurable joy, intolerable frustration and unimaginable sorrow; sometimes simultaneously.

My boy just graduated... from preschool ;)
Kindergarten, here he comes!!

Each child is made completely unique from the next, which makes our job all that much more challenging as we try to guide and instruct our children. I am fairly certain that most, if not all, parents would agree that we want our offspring to be kind, caring and compassionate individuals who are confident and content with who they are and willing to work hard for the betterment of those close to them and society in general. The way in which we strive to help our children "get there" looks very different as we're impacted by a large variety of factors.

I feel like this post could go on several tangents, so I'll try to narrow in on my reason for writing this. Parenting my large, physically strong/athletic, clever, outgoing, fearless, strong-willed child is hard, and I often feel as though I'm not doing it right. There are many great things about who he is and how he's made, and I'll talk about some of those things here, but mainly I'm going to write about the challenges we face in the hope that some of you may understand us and how we operate a little better.

In writing this, I am not saying that my parenting challenges are more difficult than anyone else's. This is simply my reality and what I experience with my own children. I'm sure someone else could write about the challenges of raising a small child, a highly sensitive/emotional child (I have one of those, too..) or of raising an exceptionally shy or timid child. I know there are families with children who face serious health challenges and others who would write about the heartbreak of infertility or of losing a child. I recognize all that I have to be thankful for. I am madly in love with my kids and I love being a mom.

My Jett has always been a large (97th percentile or higher for height and weight), boisterous and a very active boy. Even as a baby, we could tell that we had a little spark plug on our hands and as first time parents, we thought that was great and totally fun. (Now that we have a third little spark plug running around, we have a better idea of what we're in for.) He started walking at 9 months and running a day later. We've been trying to keep up with him ever since.

Jett's about 16 months here. Don't get suckered into those big blue eyes like I did/do.
This is when parenting (ie discipline etc.) started getting real...
Yes, I also had a stint where I cut/dyed my hair... Now, I'm lucky if I get to the salon once a year.

Many of my friendship circles and people in my community have had kids at the same time that Mitch and I have been building/growing our family, so there have always been lots of kids to play with. Right from the get-go, though, I began to see that play dates, although fun in theory, are NOT relaxing or easy when you have the big child.

Sorry for the expletive, I just found this very funny. Funny because it's true, and funny because of how I often have to change my wording (or wish that I'd changed my wording-- I'm not talking four letter words here, though) because the kids are repeating everything... even when I didn't think they were paying attention.

All 1-2 yr olds take toys and struggle with sharing as they enter the toddler years and are trying to figure things out. What I quickly learned, though, is that without adult intervention, the big kid most often gets the toy; simply because he can pull harder. It makes toddler play dates less relaxing when you feel as though you need to be policing their play constantly so that your big kid doesn't steal everyone's toys. Here's where I think I made a mistake in my parenting techniques. I succumbed to my inner people-pleaser and tried to compensate for my dominant child by unfairly forcing him to share. I wanted him to share and play nicely so badly, that I would make him "share" or give up the toy he was playing with, even when he had legitimately had it first and wasn't done playing with it. Then, I promoted a double standard in that if Jett wanted a toy that another child had, I would make him wait until they were done. This (the waiting) is likely the best way to train cooperative play, but confusing to my boy as I didn't allow him the right to play with a toy until he was done. I didn't advocate for my son.

After writing the above paragraph, I was having a little deja vu. I looked back and I realize I have previously written about how I feel I've erred in being unfair to Jett in the whole sharing arena. Sorry for the repeat. Mama guilt-- it's a real thing, folks. ;) It wasn't even a year ago that I wrote, Sometimes I Yell... Mama brain is also a real thing.

Not that I think this is the be all and end all, but it's a good general guide. ;)
I've always had a good relationship with my son, but I think our rules haven't always been well defined, which has contributed to some chaos in our home.

Jett, like many boys, LOVES to play very physically. Bumping, wrestling and chasing are what his favourite games are made of. BUT when the big kid pushes (even if they were pushed first), it looks bad; like they're picking on others. I have been waiting and waiting for that discerning part of Jett's brain to kick in. The part that would help him realize his own strength compared to kids smaller than he is and adapt his play (tone down) so that no one gets hurt. In spite of countless discussions we've had, he's still not there. If a buddy bumps or gives him a playful shove, all Jett sees is a green light to release his inner Hulk Hogan. I have witnessed several instances where a boy shows interest in playing physically and then is completely overwhelmed because they had no idea what type of can they were opening with Jett!

Quite a while ago (like when Jett was 2) I wrote a post about Jett and how he was pegged as "that guy" in a play centre we were at. I am aware of how spirited my boy is and has been from a young age. I really don't see it as something he's going to grow out of, so our challenge is learning how to channel his energy and spunk into productive and cooperative play.

A tantrum or defiant behaviour from a big kid is judged more harshly in public because they look older and should know better.  I know that I should not let this bother me, but...  it does.

Jett's energy levels are on the high end, to say the least. As he's growing, we're discovering that certain artificial dyes significantly impact Jett's ability to reason and affect his decision-making. Unfortunately, when kids get together for birthdays or special playtimes there is often treats and most treats contain artificial colors... this doesn't help Jett's calm mental state. It almost inevitably leads to a conversation where it feels like I'm trying to reason with a wall. It's time to kick those artificial colors (specifically red) to the curb!

Jett is peddle to the metal all the time and his spacial awareness is not all there. Jett hurts kids inadvertently. The back swing of his hockey slap shot, running and turning without notice, going after the ball at the same time as other kids. His tagging can be overly aggressive, often because he can't put the brakes on while he's running. His competitive nature also leads him to try and win at all costs. I've actually come to believe that he is legitimately unaware of his lethally flying limbs as he strives to reach a destination first. It has happened on several occasions where a child will come to me and say, "Jett hit me" and when I go to talk to Jett, he honestly is oblivious to having done so. Even Jett's version of gentle is physical. He and his sister like to whisper jokes and funny things into each other's ear lately. If someone who didn't know Jett came upon him whispering to his sister, they may think that instead he was trying to choke his sister because even a gentle whisper involves him holding/pulling his sister's ear close to him.

Jett was 4 yrs at his most recent Dr. checkup. The comment that stuck out to me from that appointment is how my four year old (now 5) is the size of a 7 yr old. Yep. I already knew that because the clothes I'm buying him are size 7/8 and his shoes are a youth 2.

Soccer. Jett is very athletic and fast for his age. He is innately competitive. I know that not all children are, because my daughter is not. He enjoys soccer, but I find it very difficult to relax while he's practicing or playing because he is substantially bigger and stronger than nearly all the other kids in his age category. I described his lack of spatial awareness in an above paragraph, and that is an issue as he goes for the ball (which is what you're supposed to do in soccer). People don't want to see one child dominate the play at his age, and I get it, I'm just not sure how to encourage my son to try his best and yet dial it down at the same time.

Often Jett is completely unaware of how rough his play can be. He's naturally very physical. Occasionally though, he has moments of clarity where it seems he recognizes that his size and strength are a factor to consider. In talking with Jett, he has made comments to me like, "I'm scared I'm going to hurt the other kids" (this was in reference to a soccer practice) or "I'm always the one getting in trouble or being rough." We have MANY talks about choices and how he is responsible for his own choices because Jett is a do-er; other kids may come up with a plan (be it good or bad) but Jett's the one who's not afraid to execute it. I have been trying to help him understand that HE has to answer for the choices he makes, even if it was someone else's idea.

Some days, if Jett and I have had to have several discussions about his choices and behaviour, he will get sad and tearfully announce, "I'm having a bad day!" There have been times where Jett will sorrowfully say that he's just bad. My response to this is to hold my boy, look into his eyes and inform him that he is NOT bad. I make a point of never calling children bad. Every child is capable and sometimes guilty of bad choices, but that doesn't make them bad. I want my son to know and believe that he is good and capable of making good choices.

One of my greatest fears for my Jett, is that in this day and age where "bully" is such a buzz word, (I am in no way condoning actual bullying) my large and feisty boy will be unfairly labeled. I know my boy is big, strong, physical, often rough & tumble, but he is not a bully. He does not desire to hurt anyone. He does desire to try every new thing, to run the fastest and win whatever whenever, but he doesn't wish to cause trouble/harm.

Jett LOVES his friends. One of his best buddies barely comes up to his shoulder, and Jett is fiercely protective of him. Jett will loudly cheer a friend on as they run/play/compete. A very proud moment for me was hearing about how Jett stuck up for a friend in the hockey dressing room. A boy was saying some nasty things about another boy in the room and Jett simply piped up, "That's not a nice thing to say." He didn't make a big deal or fight about it, he just spoke up and the boy stopped! So proud of my boy.

I have purposely avoided the spiritual component in what I have written here thus far because my desire is to build bridges with all parents; Bible believing or not. The truth is, though, that I fail often and rely on God's grace to help me be the mom I need to be. My heart's desire is that Jett would be filled with God's Spirit as he grows and understands more about his Maker, so that the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control) would abound and radiate from him.

I know that my days of discussing choices with Jett as he plays more roughly than he should are far from over, and I apologize if you're child is ever a casualty of my blue-eyed bulldozer, but I pray that Jett would grow, mature and understand how to be self-controlled. I welcome helpful suggestions of how to guide this big, strong-willed boy :) I do believe in the village concept when it comes to raising children. My one request is that if/when you confront Jett for behaving roughly, please look at him with eyes that see the good in his heart. God has big plans for my boy ;)