The After-Waft

My mind (that is forever buzzing) goes all sorts of places at the most random of times. I don't have time to sit and work through all of my crazy notions, but this is one I keep coming back to.

I change a lot of diapers. By my extremely rough calculations, in the past four and a half years, I've spent what would accumulate to an entire month changing diapers ranging from size 1-6. That's about 720 hours I've spent exposed to the elements, so believe me when I say I am familiar with what I will refer to as The After Waft.

Apparently there are several meanings for the word "waft," ( I discovered upon searching for a dictionary definition) so let me clarify. I am NOT referring to weed or any other narcotic, nor am I making reference to any acronyms containing expletives.

The definition I have in mind is this: (Thank you, yourdictionary.com)

noun

1. Something, such as an odor, that is carried through the air

I'm really not entirely happy with this definition either, because I thought the word waft pertained to a lingering smell, which would place at least partial emphasis on the origin of the 'something'.

If you haven't already guessed, all this lead up is to talk about the smell that lingers long after you've changed a nasty diaper. Or, to make it more pungent, the odor that slaps you in the face when you open the diaper genie and someone didn't push the last nasty all the way down... (not naming names)

The after-waft.

Maybe it's strange to get philosophical about poopy diapers, but that's a large part of my world, so roll with me...

A nasty diaper has a continuing impact in a room, sometimes long after it has been cleaned up and removed. I can go a couple directions with this.

First of all, I want to ensure that the impact I have in the lives of my kids (not an actual odor) follows them long after they are independent of me. (I told you my mind is randomly philosophical) The fact that I have a responsibility to teach/train/equip three little people with hope that they grow to be responsible, kind and giving individuals is not lost on me. This reality can sometimes weigh heavily as I feel inadequate to the task.

The truth is that I will have an impact on my children; be it positive or negative. I would rather have a sweet smelling, joy bringing after-waft than a putrid one that can still clear a room. I have spent a great deal of time over the last 4 and a half years elbow deep in baby bath water; probably not quite as much time as I've spent diaper changing, but enough to know the payoff is amazing! The smell of a freshly cleaned baby is like no other. THAT is the kind of smell you want to linger.

SOOO... all poopy and bath metaphors aside, how do I leave a lasting positive imprint on the lives of my children?

Somedays, I find it very easy to be the mom I want to be. The kids are playing well and allowing me to keep our home in order. If a skirmish arises, I'm able to diffuse it with patience and grace. The TV is off for most of the day and the kids are playing imaginatively and I get concentrated snuggle time with each one individually. Birds are chirping. Can you hear them? ;)

MOST often, that is not how our day unfolds. As I admitted to in my last blog post, Sometimes I Yell, sometimes I yell.

I love to snuggle my children when I tuck them in at night. I sing a song and twirl my fingers through their hair and rub their backs. It's not always as serene of a moment as I may have just made it sounds like, but it's a time I cherish all the same. It's often right when I'm ready to duck out (and head to the living room for some much needed adult time) that Jett will say the most profound things. He's quick with the "I love you-s", which I think is great. He also likes to make his language extravagant and over the top to make a point. A little while ago, as I was saying good night, he says, "Mom, I love you so so so so so so much... more than the whole world... even more than God..." While my mama heart was glowing, I took a few moments to talk to Jett about how important it is to give God our greatest love. I knew he listened to at least a little of what I said because the next night, he said, "Mom, I love you SO much... more than the whole world and... just a little less than God. Cuz, well, I don't really know God." From the mouths of babes... That conversation went on a while as we discussed ways that we can know God and come to know Him more.

Now to contrast that lovey-dovey story, let me tell you one that is less warm and fuzzy (much less). I have come to realize the importance of sufficient sleep in my children. Most days my 4 and a half your old son still naps. He will try to convince me that he doesn't need it, but will fall asleep within 10-15 minutes when I make him lay in his bed. Well, in this story I am telling, we missed the nap and felt the repercussions. ;) Jett had a very full day with no nap and a late bedtime that was followed by a preschool day. When I picked Jett up from preschool, his teacher pulled me aside with Jett to inform me that he had received a red card that morning. Jett seemed somewhat remorseful for his behaviour and we made it out to our vehicle without incident. As I was helping Jett in, he noticed that Kalena was watching a show on the DVD player (we had just returned from the city) and he wanted it on his screen, too. I calmly told him that he would not be watching today because I thought he should just sit and think about how he could have behaved differently and made better choices that morning at preschool. He LOST it. A full melt down complete with a few very loud, "I HATE YOU-s" that made me want to get that door shut as fast as possible so that maybe not every other parent loading their own child would hear. We had a fairly loud discussion in the vehicle as we drove home, but by the time we got in the house, Jett apologized for his angry/hateful words. He also had a good long nap that afternoon.

As a mom, I am privy to buckets of love and affection from my children... when things are going as they would like. As much as I'd rather dwell in the midst of their adoration, I don't think I would be doing my job if they were never upset with me. It doesn't feel good when they're very angry at me, but I watch them wrestle with their own sinful nature and sometimes make the selfish choice that brings discord into our world and I know that I have a responsibility to challenge that attitude. Not for the faint of heart, this parenthood thing.

Children learn how to convey the fact that they are angry/frustrated at a very young age; partly from mimicking what they witness around them, but also partly from what I believe is born in them. Right now, I find it amusing, but even my eleven month old has discovered that he doesn't like the word, "no." When I tell him "no," he will cry and/or drop to his knees and put his head on the floor in a cute but obvious pout. My two-and-a-half year old daughter is much more articulate. When there is a situation she doesn't like, she will loudly pronounce, "That's nothin'!" (If the scene isn't too heated, I actually get a kick out of her... not that I let her know it.) She hasn't uttered the dreaded hate word yet, thankfully, but a little while ago when she was particularly upset with me, she told me, "You are not my mom!" While entirely inaccurate, I knew what she meant by it.

I pray for grace and patience to permeate my being as I (and my husband, of course) raise three strong-minded little people. I've often pondered how easy it would be to cave in to their every whim. Life would be rosy and fun... or would it? I don't want my children to grow to be self-serving individuals because I neglected to lovingly oppose them.

Teach a child how to follow the right way; 
even when he is old, he will stay on course.
Proverbs 22:6

I know that these are the years in which I have the most influence in the lives of my children and I want to take advantage of opportunities to teach/train/equip, yet I often feel I don't know how. To lead by example seems too easy of a response, but it really is just easy to say, not do.

          Jesus told them this parable: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit?  The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.

          “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Luke 6:39-41)

It has occurred to me that likely the largest impact I can have on my children is to live a God-honouring life authentically with them. They already know I make mistakes. I want them to see how to live humbly and gently. (How I aspire to be.) God is gracious and loving with me and I seek to be gracious and loving with them.

I want a sweet smelling after-waft. Legacy.

There are days I wish I could expedite the process of building character in my children, but let me tell you a story that warmed my heart to the core. My four year old son, Jett, is in preschool twice a week. It is a cooperative preschool, which means that each family takes an active role in helping things run and there is always a parent helper in the classroom. I quite enjoy the days when it's my turn to be the parent helper and I get a window into my son's academic/social world.

Near the end of class, there is always show and tell. The kids are on a rotating schedule and there are two students who are scheduled in each class. Jett LOVES show and tell. (Can you believe my son would love the limelight?) He asks me almost everyday if it's his turn. I looked at the wrong calendar and missed one of his recent show and tells. He was upset and I felt awful. Anyway, I was parent helper a few weeks ago and at the end of class during show and tell, one of his buddies showed his Optimus Prime toy. Jett is all about Transformers right now, so he was into it. After a child "shows" and "tells," they can pick two of their classmates to either make a comment or ask a question about what they brought. Jett's hand shot straight up and he was nearly bouncing he wanted to make a comment so badly. But, he wasn't picked. I watched to see if he would blurt out whatever was on the tip of his tongue anyway, (these are four year olds) but he didn't. He reluctantly dropped his hand back to his side, and remained quiet and composed.

I know that this is no major event and, truthfully, that is how he is supposed to act, but in a reflective mama moment, I couldn't help but marvel at how my little boy is growing up. We are so often quick to offer praise for the obvious things like achievements, but I want to celebrate character growth in my children, too.

Later that day, in front of daddy, I told Jett that I was proud of the choices he made to listen/behave well even though it must have been difficult because of his love for Transformers. He knew what I was talking about, and he beamed. I love my Jett. (even when he doesn't make right choices)

The after-waft.

Sometimes I Yell...

Out of frustration,
Out of anguish,
Out of coffee, (just kidding--I would NEVER allow the coffee to run out)
Out of anger,
Sometimes I yell.
To be heard above the chaos,
To alert of impending danger,
To silence unnecessary screaming,
Sometimes I yell.
To encourage from a distance,
To celebrate a victory,
To round them up for dinner,
Sometimes I yell.

There you have it, folks: a poet and now you know it. ;) Sometimes I have random thoughts that take on a sort of poetic formation. At least this one doesn't rhyme.

Parenting is hard.

I realize what a sensitive topic this is, so I don't endeavour to offer any sort of wisdom or advice. (I would not claim to be wise in this arena) Rather, I will share my struggles and weaknesses with the hope that there are some sympathizers out there. We need each other.

I'm not sure if this post is coming from a place of recent frustrations I've had with discipline, insecurities about my own abilities or (more than likely) from a place where I continue to wander in a sleep deprived state. I often wonder what kind of parent I would be (and how much more patience I would have) if I got a full night's sleep. I hope to one day KNOW this. Yesterday, I poured baby cereal in my coffee (drank it anyway) and coated my eyelashes in concealer. I HOPE that this is simply a result of fatigue, NOT preliminary signs that I'm losing my mind.

I know that I have written a few blog posts about my experience as a parent such as: From First to Third and most recently, Fun vs Responsibility . I have older posts such as: Potty Talk: My Tale of Woe .. Keep Laughing .. Playing Defence .. and my very first blog post ever: There's nothing like 'sleep training' a 10 month old... Intro to the blogging world .. AND I'll likely write a few more as I stumble through trying to find my parental groove.

Parenting is hard but writing about it kinda helps; at least for me it does.

Anyone who has met my crew can attest to the fact that I have busy, strong-willed, independent children. My mother-in-law has told me about how my husband never stopped running from 9months on and my own mother says that right from early on, I never stopped talking. This is a recipe for a perfect storm. We call that storm "home." We have been given three children who never stop talking and never stop moving... Often, it's a fun storm of activity, but I'd be misleading you if I didn't admit it's exhausting.

It's funny how so much of my own upbringing is a blur in my mind, but certain key things my parents said to me have stuck and come to the forefront at specific times when I need them. I can picture my dad in conversation about the busy home I grew up in saying, (in reference to being a home owner and a parent) "You can choose to beat your kids or beat your house-- We choose to beat our house." And I'm thankful they did make that choice! Now, as a parent raising a young family in a new house, I often lament over the bumps, and scratches our new abode receives daily. I wrestle with trying to keep a clean house and often fall very short. I have to consciously remind myself that my kids are far more important than my house. While I whole heartedly believe in the importance of teaching them to respect and care for property, I want them to know that I love and cherish THEM far more than anyTHING we own.

Now that I've clarified my love for my family over my home, I'll say it... my kids are little destroyers in my beautiful new house. I think the thing that drives me the most crazy is how the rub their dirty little hands on everything!!! They can be on the way to the bathroom to wash their hands and they will drag their hand along the wall. Maybe this is comparable to how our Siberian Husky pees on the tires of our vehicles every time we return home from somewhere... my kids are marking their territory in our home...?

I question my own parenting choices methods often and have come to realize that my people-pleasing personality really makes being the parent I want to be very difficult. My son Jett is bigger and stronger than most kids his age. He just turned four in April but we are often asked if he is 6 or so. It's not a major surprise that J is tall seeing as both Mitch and I are, but it has brought on challenges I didn't anticipate. When Jett was a 2-3 yr old and feeling his way through learning how to share etc. I found it wearisome to bring him to playgroups because if he got it in his mind that he wanted a toy, his size/strength would pretty much always ensure that he could take it. (His strong will also had something to do with this) I ended up playing referee much of the time. THAT was a trying phase. As I reflect on it, I realize that I developed some parenting habits that I believe were/are a disservice to my son. I was so worried about what other people might think of my big assertive boy AND how I would respond to him, that I developed a double standard for him when it came to playing/sharing with other kids. If another child was playing with a toy that Jett wanted, I would make him wait until the child was done with the toy before he could have a turn, even if the child was never done. If Jett was playing with a toy that another child wanted, I would make him share it even if he hadn't had it in his possession very long. I thought I was doing the right (polite) thing, but in hind sight, I think I sent a message to J that I wasn't all in his court. I struggle with guilt over this.

Currently, I struggle in knowing how to instill a heart of gratitude and thankfulness in my children. It feels as if most of what they do comes from selfish motive. I know that this is typical of young children, but I want to make sure I don't drop the ball in ensuring they don't remain that way. Don't get me wrong, my children can be very sweet and helpful (they often are), but I'm not convinced that their generosity comes from a heart that wants to do what's right and good simply because that's the best thing to do. They often ask about what type of reward they will receive or seek praise and affirmation for every kind act they do. They will do what I ask them to do (usually) but then ask the question, "what's in it for me???" How does one teach children not only to know but to have the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? As I write this, I do realize that it is all about God's work in them, but the mom in me wants to be part of the process ;) (and see it happen quickly). I pray my children embrace Jesus and strive to be like Him as they grow.

I am continually humbled as a parent when I realize that my efforts in teaching morals/values are often not as effective as I think I've been. A short while ago, I was putting Jett to bed and he became really contemplative (he often does at bed time-- largely stall tactics, I'm sure). He looked at me with his big blue eyes and sweetly asked, "Mom, what's an attitude?" His question caught me off guard because we talk about attitude and choosing a good attitude A LOT in our home. He went on, "Is it that bone at the top of your mouth..." and he stuck his hand in his mouth trying to point somewhere on the roof of his mouth as if I'd know the place he was referring to...  AS. IF. For a moment, I thought he must be joking, that this was part of some plot he has to drive me crazy (it's working). Certainly all of those times we talked about choosing a joyful attitude, he wasn't thinking about a place on the roof of his mouth! Right? Couldn't be...

Another nugget of wisdom from my parents that has stuck with me and I've reviewed in my mind many times is something my mom said to me. She told me, "I never prayed that you wouldn't get in trouble, but I did pray that you'd always get caught." Wow. THIS explains a lot because I did seem to get caught in my adolescent shenanigans quite often (like locking my keys in the car when I had driven somewhere I wasn't supposed to...) I think this is gold. Kids are going to get in trouble sometimes; yes, even my little angels (not a day goes by). I have begun praying in this same way for my own children. I pray that they as they "test the waters" throughout their growing up years, they always get caught and can then learn from their mistakes and build greater character.

One of my greatest parenting challenges right now is my oh-so-sweet little girly who can be found with her face against the floor a dozen times a day, distraught over some seemingly small detail. Her flare for the dramatics has been amplified 100-fold in the past half a year. She can turn the tears on and off on demand. She insists on only wearing dresses. Skirts are occasionally acceptable as long as they have some flare (not fitted) so they can twirl. I can't figure out the best way to discipline Kalena. She is incredibly stubborn and will push right up to the limit and then when consequences are given, she just breaks. I'm talking loud, heart wrenching sobs. Lord, help me when my sweet girl becomes a teenager.

We are also entering the realm of having a 3rd baby running around our house. In the last month, Zavi has gone from being relatively stationary to covering the floor incredibly quickly. He's at my heals even as I try to quickly use the washroom. He is just barely 9 months old and his favorite thing to do is walk around furniture, people, anything he can grab, really. Then he looks at you, flashes an incredibly proud smile and lets go so he can stand independently. Sometimes he sort of swings his hips as if it say, "Check it out!" He is a very charming little man. What detracts from his charm, however, is his eardrum-breaking shriek that he has decided is his most effective means of communication.

I could go on about how long it's been since I've slept through the night, how many diapers I change and how I hate potty training or how I'm sick of carrying around so much extra weight on my bones, BUT I'm tired of complaining. (I also think I've written on most of these topics before...) I actually LOVE my life; being a wife and a mom on a farm. There are many frustrating days, but I try to see the humor in parenting my crazy wonderful kids and I pray for God's grace to cover my mistakes and shortcomings everyday.

How could I possibly NOT find joy while staring into these faces everyday:

I am enamoured with this sweet little goof.

My dramatic little lady is also a fabulous snuggler.

My handsome firstborn is becoming so independent!

Sometimes I DO yell, but I spend more time laughing.

Getting my DIY on... Pallet Style

For those of you who know me well, you know I am NOT crafty!!!... not on a regular basis, anyway. I also wouldn't say I have much for artistic talents and my patience wanes when projects take too long. There are moments though, when an idea takes root in my mind so deeply that I am compelled to DO something about it.

SPOILER ALERT!!
I did this: (with MUCH help from my wonderful husband)

As you've noticed (if you follow my blog at all) we built/moved into a new house this year. This spring/summer has been a gradual process of piecing together our "outdoor living space". I watch too much HGTV and therefore, my dreams are grander than they used to be! ;) I mean, have you watched Decked Out??? Incredible. (AND entirely unattainable without finding a massive secret stash of $$$)

ANYWAY, my husband has built us a beautiful large deck that has quickly become a favourite space for our family. We have some cute small table/chairs deck sets (2) but I had a dream (cue music) of being able to lounge comfortably on my deck, sipping soda and watching my children play without any fighting or tears for hours and hours... ;)

I have admired the beautiful sectionals that were on display at Costco for months (knowing that we do NOT have money for one) and I made a casual comment to my sister one day about how great one would look (and feel) on our new deck. My sister (thanks Carrie) introduced me to the idea of making my own using pallets. You see, I'm not on Pinterest. It's one of the few social media spaces I've avoided. I hadn't heard of the concept, but the comment sparked a seed of an idea/desire that took root and grew in me...

I immediately began to look for images of pallet furniture all over the web. I drew inspiration from images like these:

And that was it. It was decided. We needed a pallet sectional on our deck. ;)
(My dear husband took a little more convincing than that)

I began by hunting for pallets around our farmyard.

Often when we buy seed etc. for our crops, they come packaged on pallets, so we have quite a few. I counted more than 20 in several shapes and sizes. Some of them weren't in a "usable" state, so it's debatable as to exactly how many we had. ;)

Much to my husband's chagrin, I hauled a few pallets up onto our newly built deck to check out the size and feed my dream a little more. They sat up on our deck "as is" for a full month before we finally tackled the project. I think Mitch was just seriously sick of looking at old pallets on his new deck that he worked so hard on, which is fine by me if it motivates action! ;)

While in Target one day, I found these blue outdoor mats on sale for half off in the clearance aisle. I liked how they looked/felt, so these brought on my first expenditure for this project. I believe I paid $24.99/each.

Last Saturday (July 26th) we were supposed to be playing in a Slo-Pitch tournament but it was cancelled due to the fields being to wet and unusable after large amounts of rain. Voila! A window of opportunity to begin work on our pallet furniture. Yay!

My husband and I went through the pallets, picked the best ones and began laying them out on the deck to come up with a plan of action. I have looked at many pictures and sites that talk/instruct on how to build a pallet couch and even watched youtube videos, but the problem is with the varying sizes and construction of each different pallet.

Honestly, this was the most challenging part of the entire project. I think I changed our "plan of attack" at least three times as we moved/cut pallets. This drives Mitch crazy! It was like we had our very own marriage course that morning. Communication was the main focus. :) (Isn't it always?) With much restraint and a test of patience, we both worked at carefully choosing words to relay our ideas and encourage/discourage each other. I'm happy to say our relationship survived this test! We were able to work together, complete the task without saying anything too awful ;) and I think we're better for it now.
PHEWWWW!!! (sigh of relief)

I think we used a total of 8 pallets. We debated making the seat of the couch 3 pallets high, but that was fairly tall and patio furniture is meant to be sunk into, so we opted for two. We first made our base and cut off some of the back of each pallet to make them even and narrower. The base is still fairly wide; 33 inches, I think. We were able to use two of the pieces we cut off as the arm rests for the couch. Without much fore-thought, they actually fit pretty perfectly and added a lot of strength to the construction.

We selected the pallets with the widest boards to be the back of the couch and also cut some off to make the back not so tall. Thankfully, we have lots of tools on this farm. We had all the tools necessary to make this project happen. We also had more than half a bucket of 3 inch deck screws left over, so we made no additional purchases in the construction.

Making a "chaise" to put with this couch and make it a sectional was the easiest part of the day ;) We cut it to be the same depth as the couch and fastened them together with several screws. Easy peasy.

I was very happy with how my patio furniture turned out. The blue mats were not quite long enough or wide enough to cover the couch, but this could be remedied with additional cushions. This beach umbrella was a temporary fix for some shade on the space.

My intention was always to paint the pallet furniture white because I thought it would look better against our house and go well with our white trim. I went on a hunt for partially used cans of white paint from past renos and to my delight, I found an UNopened can of white paint in the basement of our old house. It was perfect. This specific shade of white was called, "Forget me not," which I found funny considering it was a can of forgotten paint. Mitch thought I was lame ;)

We used the entire can of white paint. Mitch went over as much of the surface as possible with a roller. (He's a man who values efficiency). I used a brush and worked patiently trying to jam it into as many nooks and crannies as possible. I wasn't sure how much effort to put into trying to paint the inside boards of the pallets. Having constructed it first and then painting, it was difficult to get at several inside spots. I think it's okay, though; especially after putting cushions on. It's white enough. ;)

Jysk has their patio umbrellas and bases on sale already and I was thrilled to find this grey one that goes marvellously with my house/deck. I am a grey lover, I suppose.

I put some extra effort into painting the back of the couch since it's eye level to anyone walking on the driveway below. Until the deck railing gets put on, it will be very easy to see any cracks I couldn't reach!

I couldn't resist putting a little pic of this beautiful plant I bought for half off at Garden Architecture on the corner of Idylwyld and 20th. If you haven't been there, GO! It's gorgeous. I did inquire about getting cushions made for my pallet couch there, but... it would have come to at least $1000 which would defeat the purpose of my economical DIY. I have no doubt they would be stunning, though.

Rather, I opted for the more palatable prices offered at JYSK. ;) Those cute throw pillows along the back were $7/each and the cushions on my "chaise" were $12. The patterned navy/white pillows on either end were $10/each.

There you have it! My first larger scale DIY. I love the way it turned out and already we are parking our hineys there several times a day. It's comfortable to sit on and even though pallets aren't known to be made of the highest quality lumber (my dear hubby informed me of this more than once), I expect it will last several years. I think I will pick up a couple more cushions and pillows yet, but I'm happy with how it is now.

Here's what it set me back:

SO, our marriage successfully survived this DIY. :) We'll see what's next... We DO still have more pallets. Is there a protocol or recommendation for how many projects (i.e. stress) to put on your marriage? Or a suggested interval of time between projects?