The After-Waft

My mind (that is forever buzzing) goes all sorts of places at the most random of times. I don't have time to sit and work through all of my crazy notions, but this is one I keep coming back to.

I change a lot of diapers. By my extremely rough calculations, in the past four and a half years, I've spent what would accumulate to an entire month changing diapers ranging from size 1-6. That's about 720 hours I've spent exposed to the elements, so believe me when I say I am familiar with what I will refer to as The After Waft.

Apparently there are several meanings for the word "waft," ( I discovered upon searching for a dictionary definition) so let me clarify. I am NOT referring to weed or any other narcotic, nor am I making reference to any acronyms containing expletives.

The definition I have in mind is this: (Thank you, yourdictionary.com)

noun

1. Something, such as an odor, that is carried through the air

I'm really not entirely happy with this definition either, because I thought the word waft pertained to a lingering smell, which would place at least partial emphasis on the origin of the 'something'.

If you haven't already guessed, all this lead up is to talk about the smell that lingers long after you've changed a nasty diaper. Or, to make it more pungent, the odor that slaps you in the face when you open the diaper genie and someone didn't push the last nasty all the way down... (not naming names)

The after-waft.

Maybe it's strange to get philosophical about poopy diapers, but that's a large part of my world, so roll with me...

A nasty diaper has a continuing impact in a room, sometimes long after it has been cleaned up and removed. I can go a couple directions with this.

First of all, I want to ensure that the impact I have in the lives of my kids (not an actual odor) follows them long after they are independent of me. (I told you my mind is randomly philosophical) The fact that I have a responsibility to teach/train/equip three little people with hope that they grow to be responsible, kind and giving individuals is not lost on me. This reality can sometimes weigh heavily as I feel inadequate to the task.

The truth is that I will have an impact on my children; be it positive or negative. I would rather have a sweet smelling, joy bringing after-waft than a putrid one that can still clear a room. I have spent a great deal of time over the last 4 and a half years elbow deep in baby bath water; probably not quite as much time as I've spent diaper changing, but enough to know the payoff is amazing! The smell of a freshly cleaned baby is like no other. THAT is the kind of smell you want to linger.

SOOO... all poopy and bath metaphors aside, how do I leave a lasting positive imprint on the lives of my children?

Somedays, I find it very easy to be the mom I want to be. The kids are playing well and allowing me to keep our home in order. If a skirmish arises, I'm able to diffuse it with patience and grace. The TV is off for most of the day and the kids are playing imaginatively and I get concentrated snuggle time with each one individually. Birds are chirping. Can you hear them? ;)

MOST often, that is not how our day unfolds. As I admitted to in my last blog post, Sometimes I Yell, sometimes I yell.

I love to snuggle my children when I tuck them in at night. I sing a song and twirl my fingers through their hair and rub their backs. It's not always as serene of a moment as I may have just made it sounds like, but it's a time I cherish all the same. It's often right when I'm ready to duck out (and head to the living room for some much needed adult time) that Jett will say the most profound things. He's quick with the "I love you-s", which I think is great. He also likes to make his language extravagant and over the top to make a point. A little while ago, as I was saying good night, he says, "Mom, I love you so so so so so so much... more than the whole world... even more than God..." While my mama heart was glowing, I took a few moments to talk to Jett about how important it is to give God our greatest love. I knew he listened to at least a little of what I said because the next night, he said, "Mom, I love you SO much... more than the whole world and... just a little less than God. Cuz, well, I don't really know God." From the mouths of babes... That conversation went on a while as we discussed ways that we can know God and come to know Him more.

Now to contrast that lovey-dovey story, let me tell you one that is less warm and fuzzy (much less). I have come to realize the importance of sufficient sleep in my children. Most days my 4 and a half your old son still naps. He will try to convince me that he doesn't need it, but will fall asleep within 10-15 minutes when I make him lay in his bed. Well, in this story I am telling, we missed the nap and felt the repercussions. ;) Jett had a very full day with no nap and a late bedtime that was followed by a preschool day. When I picked Jett up from preschool, his teacher pulled me aside with Jett to inform me that he had received a red card that morning. Jett seemed somewhat remorseful for his behaviour and we made it out to our vehicle without incident. As I was helping Jett in, he noticed that Kalena was watching a show on the DVD player (we had just returned from the city) and he wanted it on his screen, too. I calmly told him that he would not be watching today because I thought he should just sit and think about how he could have behaved differently and made better choices that morning at preschool. He LOST it. A full melt down complete with a few very loud, "I HATE YOU-s" that made me want to get that door shut as fast as possible so that maybe not every other parent loading their own child would hear. We had a fairly loud discussion in the vehicle as we drove home, but by the time we got in the house, Jett apologized for his angry/hateful words. He also had a good long nap that afternoon.

As a mom, I am privy to buckets of love and affection from my children... when things are going as they would like. As much as I'd rather dwell in the midst of their adoration, I don't think I would be doing my job if they were never upset with me. It doesn't feel good when they're very angry at me, but I watch them wrestle with their own sinful nature and sometimes make the selfish choice that brings discord into our world and I know that I have a responsibility to challenge that attitude. Not for the faint of heart, this parenthood thing.

Children learn how to convey the fact that they are angry/frustrated at a very young age; partly from mimicking what they witness around them, but also partly from what I believe is born in them. Right now, I find it amusing, but even my eleven month old has discovered that he doesn't like the word, "no." When I tell him "no," he will cry and/or drop to his knees and put his head on the floor in a cute but obvious pout. My two-and-a-half year old daughter is much more articulate. When there is a situation she doesn't like, she will loudly pronounce, "That's nothin'!" (If the scene isn't too heated, I actually get a kick out of her... not that I let her know it.) She hasn't uttered the dreaded hate word yet, thankfully, but a little while ago when she was particularly upset with me, she told me, "You are not my mom!" While entirely inaccurate, I knew what she meant by it.

I pray for grace and patience to permeate my being as I (and my husband, of course) raise three strong-minded little people. I've often pondered how easy it would be to cave in to their every whim. Life would be rosy and fun... or would it? I don't want my children to grow to be self-serving individuals because I neglected to lovingly oppose them.

Teach a child how to follow the right way; 
even when he is old, he will stay on course.
Proverbs 22:6

I know that these are the years in which I have the most influence in the lives of my children and I want to take advantage of opportunities to teach/train/equip, yet I often feel I don't know how. To lead by example seems too easy of a response, but it really is just easy to say, not do.

          Jesus told them this parable: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit?  The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.

          “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Luke 6:39-41)

It has occurred to me that likely the largest impact I can have on my children is to live a God-honouring life authentically with them. They already know I make mistakes. I want them to see how to live humbly and gently. (How I aspire to be.) God is gracious and loving with me and I seek to be gracious and loving with them.

I want a sweet smelling after-waft. Legacy.

There are days I wish I could expedite the process of building character in my children, but let me tell you a story that warmed my heart to the core. My four year old son, Jett, is in preschool twice a week. It is a cooperative preschool, which means that each family takes an active role in helping things run and there is always a parent helper in the classroom. I quite enjoy the days when it's my turn to be the parent helper and I get a window into my son's academic/social world.

Near the end of class, there is always show and tell. The kids are on a rotating schedule and there are two students who are scheduled in each class. Jett LOVES show and tell. (Can you believe my son would love the limelight?) He asks me almost everyday if it's his turn. I looked at the wrong calendar and missed one of his recent show and tells. He was upset and I felt awful. Anyway, I was parent helper a few weeks ago and at the end of class during show and tell, one of his buddies showed his Optimus Prime toy. Jett is all about Transformers right now, so he was into it. After a child "shows" and "tells," they can pick two of their classmates to either make a comment or ask a question about what they brought. Jett's hand shot straight up and he was nearly bouncing he wanted to make a comment so badly. But, he wasn't picked. I watched to see if he would blurt out whatever was on the tip of his tongue anyway, (these are four year olds) but he didn't. He reluctantly dropped his hand back to his side, and remained quiet and composed.

I know that this is no major event and, truthfully, that is how he is supposed to act, but in a reflective mama moment, I couldn't help but marvel at how my little boy is growing up. We are so often quick to offer praise for the obvious things like achievements, but I want to celebrate character growth in my children, too.

Later that day, in front of daddy, I told Jett that I was proud of the choices he made to listen/behave well even though it must have been difficult because of his love for Transformers. He knew what I was talking about, and he beamed. I love my Jett. (even when he doesn't make right choices)

The after-waft.