Anyway, Jett's attitude towards me lacked love/respect and was not good. I called him on it by explaining why his attitude was so wrong and needing to be changed. He didn't seem sold on my attitude-change sales pitch, so I laid on a little emotion; trying to drive home the point that words and attitude have impact on those around you.
-- I really struggle with knowing how to effectively demonstrate to my kids how their words/actions impact others. Sometimes, I find myself falling into an acting role, exaggerating my own hurt feelings or disappointment so that my kids are sure to pick up on the fallout. There's a fine line between exaggerating emotions as a teaching tool and laying a guilt trip as a means to manipulate... I believe the difference lies within the motive. My goal is to teach & train my children to think about the impact their words/actions may have before speaking. I hope that's what they're learning..
I digress ;)
My efforts (warranted or not) were effective and Jett did come to the place where he felt sorry for how he was acting & he did apologize to me. It did feel though, that we had more to talk about and a good snuggle could have served as a healing salve to the moment, but just then the school bus arrived and our quick hug good bye did not nearly seem to be enough. I really felt like I needed more time to just hug my boy and affirm him that he is immeasurably loved.
The bus pulled away and my mama heart ached. My boy was starting the day with somewhat of a cloud over his head and I didn't like it. I think that some of my unsettled feelings came from knowing that I was leaving on a trip the next morning (a week away with my hubby).
When I was sure that the kids were all safely delivered to school, I messaged our bus driver. I explained that Jett had a rough start to the day and just asked how his bus ride had been. She responded and said that he had been unusually quiet (he's usually quite bubbly and talkative) and then he actually fell asleep. (It dawned on me that he had gotten to bed later than usual the night before and this likely contributed to the attitude issues of the day..) A boy down the route thought it would be funny to wake Jett up and chose to do so by slapping him across the face... (Not thinking through the impact of ones' actions seems to be an epidemic among young boys).
I think you can imagine how Jett's wake up call was received. He spiralled. He cried and cried.
As I drove, I found myself blinking back tears. "Get it together, Wendy!" I thought to myself. But I was doomed. When I entered the front doors of the school and was greeted by our schools' sweet VP, I spilled. "I think I'm going to pull Jett out for the day.." I was able to say before bursting into tears. I was completely embarrassed at my own lack of composure as she pulled me into her office. She was very understanding, and actually, she had been about to give me a call. She had just spent time talking to Jett and his buddy who slapped him and she agreed, Jett was very much not his usual self.
Our VP kindly offered to go and get Jett from his classroom, for which I was relieved. I did not need to parade my blubbery mess down the hall for more children/teachers to see. Instead, I intently studied the the staff photos on the wall while I tried to regain control. Why am I such a sap???
Jett came and gave me a hug. He was very glad (and surprised) that I had come for him. He held my hand as we walked and talked out to the car. He told me about how his morning hadn't gone well on the bus, and I told him that we were going to restart the day. I hadn't felt good about our time at home and so this was us re-making the day.
It was a beautiful day. We got some food/smoothies (coffee for me, of course) from Tim Horton's and took it down by the Bessborough to picnic along the river. The kids thought it was great and the fresh air was good for all of us. The mood was lifted almost immediately as we enjoyed each other's company.
Jett asked me if he could return to school at lunch time because there was a hot lunch and we'd ordered him pizza/chips. Not to mention, Friday afternoons (gym & games) at school are his favourite. He said, "Mom, will it hurt your feelings if I go back to school?" I smiled and hugged him. "Of course not, J. You are welcome to go back to school." He thanked me several times throughout our morning for coming and taking him away for the morning and I assured him that it had been needed for both of us. We both felt 1,000,000% better. ;) (Any Survivor fans reading that appreciate impossible percentages??)
We made it back to school for his hot lunch, and I left him there with a hug and a smile. At the end of the day, his teacher messaged me that he had come back as his usual happy self and had a great afternoon.
I know that I won't be able to re-set all of the bad mornings that my children will experience in their lifetimes, but it felt great to re-make this one.
As I drove home, I had a moment of clarity where I thought about how blessed we are. If bad-attitude mornings are the problems we have to deal with, we are abundantly fortunate. We don't have to worry about having enough food to eat, a warm place to sleep, or a safe place to live. We have so much more than that. And more than having those physical needs met, my children are so very loved. Not only do they have the loving attention of their father and I, they have close relationships with both sets of their grandparents (Who do you think cares for them while Mitch & I get away? ;) as well as cousins, aunts, uncles and many great friends.
A rough morning wouldn't have ruined my son, but I'm thankful that today it was on my radar and within my ability to have a do-over.
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